SOPHIE MOVES IN….A PARABLE

We have always been dog lovers. Through the years we have had quite a number of them. Our current canine is Coco, and we have shared our home with her for more than eleven years.

With the death of our neighbor we inherited Sophie, and for the past few days we have been learning to live with two animals around the house. My sense of things is that it is much easier for us than it is for Coco.

When you have been the king pin (although queen pin would be more appropriate), learning to share your master and mistress with an interloper has to be a bit confusing. Although they share a few common characteristics—both are small, both are somewhat of oriental vintage, and both are really good for nothing but to sit in one’s lap—there are also quite a few significant differences.

First of all, there is their food. Coco has never eaten anything but dry dog food. She eats a small amount twice a day. It comes out of a bag and is in small bits. Sophie, we understand, has been on a diet of chicken and rice, prepared by hand, not out of a can. That was possible because Sophie was all her poor mistress had to think about every day.

Then there was the doggy door. Coco has always been free to go in and out at her will. Sophie had been used to being let out two or three times a day and had her mistress stand there waiting for her to finish her business. Teaching and eight-year-old dog to use a doggy door is not automatic, but, as we have learned, it is also not impossible.

All in all this experience of trying to break in a new dog to our old ways reminded me of a church I was in once. The church had a strong lay leader who had pretty well seen things go his way for nearly fifty years. Then, a new family came into the church. The man in the family was a well-to-do business man who ran a fortune 500 company before retiring to our little community.

It wasn’t long before this new man was looked up with great respect by many of the church members, and was in attendance at more services and meetings than the other man, who had longevity on his side.

After a bit the pastor found himself in the middle of a turf war with a forward looking ex-company manager and a traditional farmer who wanted things to stay pretty much as they were.

I was reminded of this little scenario as we watched our twelve year old Coco try to co-exist with our new resident, Sophie. I am determined that Coco and Sophie do a better job of coexisting than these two men did.

A WAY OUT FOR MANY CHURCHES

The inevitability of some degree of conflict is rarely in doubt in a church situation. It is not a question of “if”, but ”when” a conflict will arise that will be serious enough to impede a church’s ministry activity. For more than fifteen years I have been working with churches in which some sort of conflict has arisen.

In many instances of conflict a church might choose to have a competent mediator come in and help them. I have seen this as a useful tool in some church conflicts where pastor and deacons are at odds, or where a church staff member is at odds with the pastor or another staff member and many other situations.

Two things are very apparent. Most churches are loathe to admit they need help. Second, many churches are reluctant to invite someone from outside to come in and help them. To call either of these utter stupidity is understating it. It is tantamount to having a sick child and refusing to go to a doctor.

Many churches, including their pastors, do not understand the concept of mediation. I have had discussions with churches where a pastor or a deacon would say, “We just don’t need someone coming in here and telling us what to do.” That is a total misunderstanding of the art of mediation.

Mediation involves having an unbiased facilitator helping two or more sides of an argument to come to a solution of their own choosing. Yes, you read that right. The solution will be one of their own choosing, not the mediator’s choosing. I find that many people hear the word "mediation" and think of "arbitration", where someone from outside actually does hear all sides and select a solution. That is rarely useful in church situations.

Arbitration is a legal process. If a church were to ask for arbitration, they would sign a legal document agreeing to allow a third party to select a solution, a solution they would have to accept. Mediation is a different process. It is a process of bringing people together to an agreed upon solution of their own choosing.

Mediation doesn’t always produce such a solution, but it most often does. My son and I have worked in many situations where the process of mediation was used to help calm things and come to solutions that were worked out by the parties.

Occasionally, I have been called in by a church to mediate a dispute between two of their members that had nothing to do with the church, but was causing some grief in the church because their anger was spilling over. I think this is a wonderful thing for churches to make available to their members.

I know of a large non-denominational church in the Dallas area that has trained a large number of people in their church to be mediators and once a month or so they invite community residents in to have their disputes mediated by a church member.

Training peqacemakers in the church to be mediators is a terrific ministry for a conflict-ridden society. Helping neighbors solve disputes is a great idea. In approximately thirty hours of training, a church member can be equipped to mediate minor disputes in the church or community.

The BGCT has trained a large number of folks to be mediators. Unfortunately, many of these folks have never been called upon simply because many churches would rather suffer the turmoil of conflict than to admitto an outsider that they have conflict , even a brother or sister who could help them.

GRIEVING FOR CATHY

We had lived as neighbors for more than ten years. We were not really close, but always took time to speak to one another. She was a member of a church of another denomination, but we never really spoke of spiritual things, except when her daughter took her own life a year or two ago. After that, Cathy went through a divorce, coming to us for advice on some legal matters, most of which we could not really help her resolve, except to say, “If it were me I would ….”.

She had put her house on the market only a week or so ago and we noticed there was a hand-made “Sold” sign on it in just a few days. Ater a long, hard, legal fight with her ex husband, it seemed as though things were going to finally even out for Cathy.

Then on Thursday morning we saw police cars out in front of our and her house. Her little dog, Sophie, was running around on the street, without her leash, which was not at all the way we were used to seeing her. When we went out to see if there was anything we could do, we were told they had found Cathy, hanging from her second floor banister. She had apparently taken her own life.

Now the waves of guilt started sweeping over me. I started second guessing myself as to whether or not I had somehow let this woman down. Could we have done more to help her? Should we have spent more time listening to her problems? Had we done even our minimal Christian duty towards her?

So many questions sweep over us as we contemplate what got so overwhelming that Cathy could no longer cope.

And then there is Sophie. That cute little black and white Shih Tzu has lost all that made her feel secure in this world. The policeman told us that Cathy had asked that the Coffees take care of Sophie in her three- page suicide letter. Sophie will eventually adjust to our home, including how to coexist with Coco, our little mixed breed. We will give her a home until someone comes along who needs a companion.

Making Sophie feel better will in time be accomplished. I just wish we could have done the same for her mistress.

THE MAGIC ERASER AND OTHER PRODUCTS

There is this product being sold in the store. One brand calls it a Magic Eraser. It is a sponge-like white block of a foam substance that magically removes dirt, scratches, etc. from practically all surfaces.

We had a place on my wife’s white car that looked like someone had taken sand paper to it and scratched the paint. I was going to use some wax on it and try to remove it, but Martha aid, “Let me see if the Magic Eraser will take it off.”

Well, to make a long story short, the Magic Eraser did remove it and you can’t tell it was ever there. When I saw that I tried it on several other items around the house, and low and behold, it was like magic. Scratches and dirt all gone.

I am so used to seeing things not work that I was just ecstatic to see that there really is something out there that does exactly what it promised. Oh, if only people could be that way.

Last Sunday, while preaching at First Baptist Andrews, they showed a video about a guy who was given a pair of magic glasses. He didn’t know it when he got them, but when he put them on they magically labeled every person he saw through them with a label telling about a need in their life.

Each label suggested that the owner of the magic glasses might actually be able to do something to help the person he was looking at.

Wouldn’t that be great? Just think—if we could see through a pair of glasses exactly how we could minister to someone, it would be so much easier.

You and I know there are no magic glasses. To know how to minister to someone we have to get to know them. We have to have a relationship with them. Heaven forbid! We might have to actually make friends with them.

There are no magic glasses, but we all know there is a magic eraser that can erase our sins and redeem us for eternity. Since we know that this is the greatest need anyone has, we really don’t need any magic glasses, just a heart that is willing to do whatever is necessary to help each individual know the Lord Whose blood can wash away our sins.

CONSERVATIVES HURT THEMSELVES MOST

Anyone who knows me knows I am about as conservative as they come. Some even think I am far to the right of Attila The Hun. That being said, I now wish to state that some conservatives are hurting our cause by taking extremists positions and hurling extreme insults.

I am not sure who these people think they are hurting with their pictures of the president with a Hitler mustache or by their bombing of abortion clinics, but in my mind they are hurting the conservative cause most of all.

Political conservatives are much too quick to accept and send on e-mails, for instance, that ridicule or spread false information about opponents. I even got one e-mail with an attachment that purported to be President Obama’s Kenyan birth certificate. No one seriously believes our president was actually born in Kenya, but some still insist that he was. That does nothing but relegate that person to the kook fringe.

Religious conservatives are not much better at dealing with those who disagree with their positions. If you happen to disagree with the president of Southwestern Seminary’s views on women teaching men, you will be excoriated by some conservative thinkers, and I use that word “thinkers” very loosely.

There are some conservative blogs that absolutely cannot abide anyone disagreeing with them, and if you have the courage to do so, they will absolutely seek to murder the character of the one who disagrees. In fact, conservative’s favorite weapon is character assassination.

Too many conservatives end up becoming the very thing they rail against on the left—intolerant, defensive, ranting dolts.

I don’t know what has happened to civil discourse in our society, but it appears to have gone the way of the Dodo bird. It seems that we disagree with more and more in our culture and when we disagree we cannot seem to control ourselves as we speak out against whatever it is with which we disagree.

The Book of James has a word about the unbridled tongue. We should heed it. When we do not,, we hurt ourselves more than we hurt anyone else.

POSITIVE SIGNS AT BGCT

There is some really positive evidence that the officers of the BGCT are reaching out, trying to bring new people into the processes of the convention. I have become aware of several appointments being made that reflect the infusion of new blood.

One of the long-standing criticisms of the BGCT has been the apparent “round-robin, go-off-one-committee-and-on-to-another approach of the convention through the years. This, of course, left the impression that the convention’s processes were in the same hands year after year.

In my own little mind, this was never a fair criticism. Not that it didn’t seem like it, but I never thought the BGCT was seriously trying to exclude anyone from serving.

Nominating processes are pretty much the same in churches, associations, and the convention. Those charged with the task of finding people to serve on the various committees usually try to make their job as easy as possible, so they seek affirmative responses from those they feel will be the easiest to get. This usually means their friends, those who are most visible (larger churches, etc.).

I know when I served in an associational position, I often called the person responsible for selecting committee members, trustees, etc, for our area and suggested people who would be good. Most of the time, that representative took my suggestions and ran with them.

Serving the convention is both a privilege and an honor. I know for a fact that a lot of what caused the formation of a second convention in Texas came from the fact that many small church pastors were disillusioned because they were never asked to serve. And not only small church pastors. Some in mid-sized and larger churches felt they were not being asked to serve because of their outspokenness on some issues.

There are only so many places to be filled each year and when people saw those positions being filled year after year by the same people just going from one position to another, they became disillusioned.

The truth is, most people who desired to serve likely would get that opportunity eventually, provided they made their willingness to serve known. They might have to start out in an area of lesser interest, but, hey, we can’t all be on the budget committee.

I any event, I am, seeing signs that the pool of willing workers is being broadened. That is a good thing. It is important that we reach out deeper and deeper into the talent pool of our churches and seek out people who can contribute to the well-being of the convention.

We can thank our officers for this good work.

A BOWL OF B Bs OR A TUB OF BUTTER

There are many proofs that a person is saved, but the number one proof that demonstrates that a person has been called out of darkness into light is that virtue we call unity. It's not a word we think much about these days. It likely wouldn't even be first on any list most of us would make. Unity is described as the ability to stick together.

This is what makes the fierce friendships that are stronger than the disappointment or difficulty that always comes in human relationships. It's the exact opposite of getting your feelings hurt and leaving. It is unity of a church.

Unity is what Jesus asked the Father to give His people. Remember, the night before he died he said, “Make them one the way we're one”— meaning one in shared values, one in shared outlook and perspective.

People who struggle alone are like a bowl full of BB’s, sharing proximity but not unity. What Jesus prayed is that the Father would melt those BBs together and make them one family, one purpose, one team, one unit, one life. Can’t you hear the Savior saying to the Father, make them one; give them unity? Make them more like a tub of butter, instead of a bowl full of individual BBs.

Why? Because when the turmoil inevitably comes, and you turn over a bowl full of BBs, they will roll everywhere. Do the same thing to a tub of butter and it stays intact. So, in a very real sense, the church should be like the tub of butter, not the bowl of BBs.

Unity is not a natural thing. It's not what happens in the fleshly life. The fleshly life produces chaos, not unity.

Whenever you see unity operating, it's a function of the Holy Spirit breaking down the ego, breaking down the self, breaking down the privileges we give ourselves to be apart from the team. And when you see it, it's always a God thing. This is not what most Americans would determine is the number one virtue of the scripture.

The church in our land should be instructive to our nation. It seems to me that we are more divided as a nation than we have ever been. No matter what someone proposes, there is an equal number of people who will oppose it. Our national elections are so close as to have to be decided more often than not by a court of judges. Unity is not evident in our land.

However, more often than not the church ends up acting like the nation rather than the other way around. There is no one else who can be a teacher of unity better than the church. But we can only be that teacher if we are practitioners of the virtue we wish to teach.